normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
