pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
