Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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