Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
