Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
