his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
