I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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