Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
