Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
