why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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