I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
