totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
