I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am mentally ready for anal.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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