The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
