I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
