I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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