That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
