Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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