I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
