Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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