The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
