after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You ate ashes out of my bong
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
