Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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