When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
