just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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