Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Someone came in the potted fern
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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