guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
