so that wasnt chicken after all
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
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She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
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Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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