Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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