just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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