i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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