belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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