Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
