somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
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Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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