Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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