Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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