I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
