Taylor Swift is so right about you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
