Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
