you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
