Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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