I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
