I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
