Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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