no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
