True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
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You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
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Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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