Im at strip club and am horny
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
