Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
