I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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