Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize