Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We're too hungover to prance.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
