My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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