see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
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He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
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Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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