i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
