I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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