even my farts smell like vagina
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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