i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
