Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
