i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
